Tags: past

looking back

when you're good with your hands

"None are so busy as the fool and knave."
John Dryden (1631 - 1700), The Medal, 1682

It was an unlikely happening. When we first met, I just thought of her as another friend to know. Turns out she was quite the social butterfly and popular with all and sundry and according to many (male and female alike) a hot chick. Initially nothing happened because there wasn’t anything to start from and I thought no more of it.

It started with some late night drinks of the non-alcoholic variety. She’d accompany me and we’d hang out. Then there was one time after some drinking at a friend’s birthday shindig that I called her and I managed to stumble my way over to her place and promptly fell asleep on the couch despite her protestations. =)

To be honest, I was a little tipsy and I did have quite a few drinks all too quickly but I didn’t heave or anything like that. I went home after that after some ministrations and a great deal of scolding.

Then there was a night when she got mad at me for something and something happened that night. Things changed and it was easy and comfortable but ultimately it wasn’t what I was looking for despite all her good points.

Sometimes when you look at things from the outside, you’d think,” What the hell was he thinking?” She was a fantastic catch but not the catch that I wanted.

I wish you all the happiness in the world. You definitely deserve it.

oh yea, turns out, I give pretty good massages. ;)

looking back

spring cleaning..

What does spring cleaning mean to you?
For me it's just basically unnecessary work. Time which could be better spent doing other things. =)

I've had to sort of spring clean a little. Reason being mainly because my family have moved and I have yet to move and there are still some things here that I haven't cleared out as well.

So I started cleaning out my drawers and I found quite a lot of things that I've forgotten.
Old mail from friends, weird birthday gifts (witchdoctor bones), my old G-Shock watch.. man those were the days of super large wrist-watches, cards from my cousin.. even found my old prom tickets.

"22nd December 1997
Sarawak Ballroom,
Shangri-La Hotel,"


what else did I find.. hmm.. my baby teeth.. I used to keep them.. lol found 6 of them.
some commemorative badges - "Lawatan sambil belajar ke taman negara malaysia - 16-19 Ogos 1991"
keychains, old namecards, old pictures.. (wow I've put on a bit of weight.. =P)
old nametags (mine was gold because I was a "pengawas pusat sumber" which literally meant resource center monitor. You see in my high school, librarians and us were different. We handled the multimedia aspect of the school resources. Projectors, AV systems, PA systems were all under our purview. =)

ermm.. magnets for a very ambitious geography project. Solar system with planets that could turn freely (2 magnets). That didn't work out too well and we went with a volcano instead. =)

old birthday cards from ppl that have fallen on the wayside. Scouting memorabilia, old notebooks with song lyrics, an old address book from Form1. I had pretty cool gadgets actually when I was younger. Stuff that my dad's Japanese suppliers would give.

hmm.. I even found a wood carving tool set.. old letters.. hmm do ppl throw away old letters?
Found a letter from OJA.. it was hilarious.. she would say something and then the next part would be what she thought I'd say which was only semi-right I think.. And asking me how to fend of unwanted attention.. OJA if you're reading this, I'm gonna bring the letter over for you to read. =)
Ah.. the days of snail mail.. before e-mail took over. before phone calls were so damn cheap and etc.. =)

so many memories
so many lost friends

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looking back

Of stuff happening

I like this quote of the day

"Your life is defined by its opportunities... even the ones you miss."
-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008)

Yet another BM tuition.. but worth a try nonetheless,

"Yay.. classmates.. Ok, be nice," I thought to myself.

"Ooo cute one at the other end.. "

Big eyes, sweet smile.. and a little older. Fiesty too..

I remember one group outing some 3-4 years later.. There was dinner. I only had eyes for her. We went to 1Utama after that and played some pool.
She's a little short and it was a little hard going for her. I found it extremely funny for some reason and just couldn't stop laughing. She came over and gave me a few good whacks with the pool cue. Lol.

Like I said, fiesty.

I'd see her only a few more times after that. Once during CNY at a friend's house. She was dating a former classmate of mine then.
And a few more times at Bangsar Village. I never once went over to say hi, I guess I didn't want her to give me a blank look.

Oh and one time, I gave her a necklace I had bought for her during my very first Japan trip. I wonder if she ever wore it. I thought it was quite nice but I was young and.. didn't really know better. =) I think at that time, it was the biggest item I'd ever bought for a girl.

She got married this year.. congrats though you'll never see this.
All the best.

back in .. New Zealand 1998

"I don't care
If it's going to take a lifetime
I don't care
As long as you say you're mine
I am willing to wait forever and a day
Just to have you hold me in your arms and say
"I love you"...I love you."

and so she sang her own creation in that angelic voice of hers.

"So what do you think?"

I was mesmerised. Where did this creature come from? Is she real?
I chance upon her when we travelled together in a trip to New Zealand but nothing really sparked for me or anything like that.
But we kept in touch and gradually I got to know her and ..
and while my feelings grew, nothing grew on the other side.
Unrequited seems to be the recurring theme here.

Cute smile, warm, intelligent, multi-talented.
What a package..

When you're gone..

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

My heart beat a little faster as she circled her arms around mine..
But that night would be the last time we hung out..

I met her at Chinese class. I can't quite remember how we got around to being friends..
I do remember that she wore grey contacts.. and it'd look great on her.
Her eyes disappear into lines when she's amused and she crinkles her nose when she laughs..
She was an A.B.C. but her accent wasn't particularly strong.
had quite the wicked sense of humour too.. =)
and yeap.. you know it.. she was cute..

One of the days, she told me that it was her cousin's bday soon and the celebration was gonna be at this club downtown..
"Would you like to come?"

I think I met her someplace before we walked down a few blocks to get to the club. I felt quite out of place at the club actually.. I have never even met the cousin before that night..
so I don't know why she asked me..

But then the semester ended and I didn't have any more classes with her..
So I never found out...

But I'll always remember those grey eyes and that dimpled smile...

What if?? part duex

"If tomorrow never comes,
Would she know how much I loved her?
Did I try in everyway,
To show her everyday,
That she's my only one.

If my time on earth were through,
She must face this world without me
So the love I gave her in the past
Would it be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes.."

What if?
I was weak and i told her how i felt. If that didn't happen, would things be different?
This is a consequence made of choices. Would I have done it differently? Should I have done it differently?

Regrets form part of a person's makeup. How they deal with it and how they seek to avoid it defines their future. Some people become more risk-averse and play the safety game.

"If I never let anyone in, I'll never get hurt"

Others bare for all to see..

"I'll eventually get it right"

Which are you?

"All are architects of fate,
So look not mournfully into the past,
It comes back not again."


over and over again..

" I'm wondering the streets in a world underneath it all
But nothing seems to be
Nothing seems to taste as sweet as what I can't have..
As you ran away and twisting you hair around your finger
Tonight im not afraid to tell you what I feel about you

Im gonna muster every ounce of confidence that I have
And cannonball into the water
Im gonna muster every ounce of confidence that I have
For you I will
For you I will.."

I'd just arrived in Melbourne in the early morning of the summer of 1999. "Summer in Australia begins at the end of the year .. in case there's any confusion there.. "
I think it might have been 6-7am in the morning. I arrived at the doorsteps of Albert House which was to be what I'd call home for the duration of the year. I was greeted by the Resident Owner/Cook/Matron/etc..  and ushered in.

There I was waiting with my my luggage waiting for my room to be assigned. Someone was actually living in it as I hadn't arrived yet till that morning.
I was actually a little sore that my dad didn't see it fit to even send me off. Instead it was left to my mom, sister, my uncle and aunt and possibly my cousins.
but.. oh well... got on with it.

Then I heard some voices.. indistinct at first, then gradually louder. It belonged to 2 girls.. Don't think I caught their names then.. or maybe I did. In any event, it was a little too early for my to process much information.. but I remembered an oversized t-shirt, pajamas of sorts, glasses and some fluffy house slippers.. shoulder length hair, slim frame, cautious smile..
Little did I know that the reasons for my happy memories for the following year was there standing right in front of me.. welcoming me.. It just didn't occur to me.

"Hey, it's a co-ed dorm!"


I was eventually given a room next to the boiler room opposite the TV room. I still remember that little room. I didn't have a camera.. so I'm not sure if I actually have a picture of that room or not. I did however have an attached bathroom which was pretty good.. =)

And I would leave my room door open.. which led to me being scolded by someone for something he thought I was doing for reasons other than anything altruistic.
But I had him to thank for these memories...

Funny how things would turn out.


so it was like that..

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go..

"Shit.. late again.. meh...
Oh man, I'm sitting with total strangers to boot..
Oh well, food first!"

But slowly, I was drawn into the conversation..
various terms stood out which eventually led me to ask one thing.

"What was your post in the Monash Business Club?"

She hesitated before saying,"President."

So that's where I've met her before 3 years earlier.
I knew that there was something familiar about her that I couldn't place. The smile, the flick of the hair... and you know something.. she remembered me too.. =)
That was the prelude to the oddest journey that I've had so far..
So many questions till today.. like how did it go from nothing to imaginary something back to nothing in that short span of time?

Oh well.


and then..

I remember thinking"..this is gonna be a long semester.."

Sat in a corner at the back and didn't talk to anyone. Was actually planning on just getting through the entire semester being a lone wolf. *self-pity at work here*
Corner wasn't dark enough and the room wasn't big enough.

Someone sat down next to me. I didn't even look up.

"Great, more damn kids.."

>" Hi, is this seat taken? "

I mumbled something to the effect that it wasn't then I tried concentrating on the tutorial.

>" Do you understand what she's trying to say? "

Then I looked up," yea.. why?"
Then I gave a little start.... "wow.. hmm.. guess class will be something to look forward to after all"

Long wavy hair, easy smile, and doe-like eyes. What's there not to like?


a little faded around the edge..

"So? You like her is it?"

"Huh, what like?"

"I dunno, like means like la. You nearly got hit by a car y'know."

*cue harp music (signifying nostalgia/remembering the past)*
"I remember I was crossing the street, and she got into a car to go home. My head turned as I tracked her path. She waved to me and I waved back without looking at the road. MY pulled me back with the sounds of a horn blaring.. "

"hmm.. that might be it, I might like her.. hmm..."

She walked into the classroom then and our eyes met, she gave her usual shy smile.
The teacher came in right behind her. The school bell rang.

"Good morning teacher."