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poor gullible fool.. =) a simple eulogy - It's my life and anything else in between.
Soo Jin

SooJin
Date: 2005-04-10 04:18
Subject: poor gullible fool.. =) a simple eulogy
Security: Public
I am feelingacceptance
perhaps.. I am a trusting person by nature..
I have little tiny seeds of doubt..
the coincidences..
but I believe..

I had a drink with Kelvin Tan at about 2 am.. after coming back from.. dinner and desserts with Ben and Stella at 2 new places.. good food, and good company.. as he had advertised.. hahaha. We ate at New Paris.. good cheap food and also ate at Golden Bake in SS2, interesting food.. =)
we talked.. about a few things.. Cindy was mentioned. inevitably as she still dominates my mind..
Ben talked about his 6th sense... and how there were some incidents at the AMP radio network office.. and we touched on religion too.. he's a rather devout Christian I think.. that'd be fair to call him.. without the zealousness of some that i've met.
same with KT, talked about life.. how people cope with things.. how some things can seem insignificant in the light of other people's loss.. like my friend's loss compared with mine.. I can be happy or I should be happy that she's happy.. *fact*

I feel that deep down somewhere, she did this for the best intentions.. Or rather I'd like to think so..
because of a revelation/fact shared by a friend.. and she's being harsh.. so that we can both move on..
I may have to thank her for that.. eventually.. but now, I just want her to have never existed =)
I also.. thought about her grandmother.. and how she has been kind to me.. and of my promise to her that I would treat her when I get my first pay cheque.. just because me and her grand-daughter ain't together doesn't mean that I can't repay her kindness to me.. same goes with her parents.. it'd be awkward with her around even without her around.. for their ties with me cease the moment my ties with hers cease.. so probably accomplish it without her present/knowledge.
Pain is what comes with separation.. it acknowledges what you have/had.
I like to think that we had something special.. for the pain that I have felt has been superlative.. =)

it's an odd way to think about things i suppose.

One thing is for sure though.. if there's no hope for us anymore, then I need to move on.. and focus on what's important for me. This is the theory..
My mind knows it.. My heart refuses to accept it though.. but .. I guess with time, I can look back at this and say.. oh.. her.. yeah.. she was.. something and leave it at that.. =)

so... be happy Cindy Wong, maybe there's someone out there who will make u happy.. I hope that.. one day, when you read this.. IF you ever read this, know that.. for all that has happened, you will still have a place in my heart.. maybe not much in the way of space.. but.. you'll find your corner somewhere.. thank you for the memories.. I'll look back on them fondly.. i'll cherish them... the love, the warmth, the lessons that I've received.. Our videos.. our memories... it'll forever be treasured.. thank you
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May 2017