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again?? maybe the last time... hopefully.. - It's my life and anything else in between.
Soo Jin

Date: 2005-04-07 23:19
Subject: again?? maybe the last time... hopefully..
Security: Public
I am feelingnumbnumb
wow.. what a long day today..
what can i say.. where do i start?

Last time I posted .. I mentioned about my seemingly endless preoccupation with my relationship..
we broke up today.. again
her feelings have changed.. again
I don't know what to do/care anymore..

I think..

anyway.. This was precisely the reason why I didn't want to buy a plane ticket TO hongkong during the MATTA fair because we may end up this way.. by then.. should I throw that ticket away or go anyway and be weird.. =)
anyway.. it's my final semester.. and I'm not gonna dwell on it anymore.. I had my moment of pain right after I dropped her off.. it overwhelmed me in that brief moment.. but in a way, it's an affirmation of the feelings that I bear.. but I shall now endeavour to put it aside.. Nothing good will come out of wallowing in self-pity.
I knew that something was coming.. she's been different for the past week.. I knew this was coming.. I guess I had resigned myself to that fact.

Back to.. more important matters.. *religion sensitive ahead*
I just got home from a funeral service.. for my previously mentioned friend's mother.. It it times like this that makes u wonder how fragile life is.. And I listened to the pastor drone on about how we will be reunited IF and only IF we welcome the l*rd Jes*s into our lives.. and I was wondering, is that a threat? or a promise? I think you would know by now what my position on religion is.. he also mentioned that as it was prophecied, the end is nigh and they shall all be reunited with their loved ones.. ONLY if they accept ......

I didn't like that.. I didn't like the implicit threat it carried nor the manner of the message.. here was the celebration of the life of a woman.. not a finger-wagging exercise of those who are not Christians. (I am not gonna argue theology, this is my journal and I'm posting what I feel, if you feel a need to challenge me, look for me.. but not on my journal. I will delete)

Now my friend was previously a non-Christian but I think she may have found herself there.. I don't judge people based on their religion.. I just hope she finds peace wherever she can. In fact I sat through the entire service.. excluding the songs of worship.. *self-justification* =) So you can't really call me disrespectful..

next part..
Yesterday.. I worked.. and then I went for my futsal as usual.. only to find out that it was cancelled.. after I got there.. sigh.. so I met up with Kelvin Tan and Cindy nearby where he was having dinner. I sent her home after that.
Then today.. I went for class and then had a bit of a scolding from the tutor.. and then I called and found out that she was in Pyramid having lunch with KT and Jess..
so I had lunch with my group member instead.. and he came up with all kinds of funny ideas for our presentation.. a musical.. a video.. and.. he really liked the the 2 ideas and he was basically trying to sell me those ideas.
I then went for my next class which I ended up at the wrong end of the building which resulted in me waiting for 15 minutes wondering why the running class hasn't ended.. Then I walked close and I realised that THAT was the wrong lecture theatre.. so I had to go all the way to the other side for my lecture instead.. bah
Lecture was.. a blur for me.. I was really restless and didn't know why.

At 4, our lecture ended and me, Ben and Ken had our group meeting for Consumer Behaviour assignment.. it was then that I received the msg from Cindy. I didn't hear it but she called and asked if i got the msg which I then read.. and it was very distracting, needless to say.. Stella came to join us.. and then when the meeting was over, we had dinner together. I was supposed to meet Cindy to talk.. she called me last night to meet up today.. I had an inkling I guess of what was to follow. But I got a msg instead. So I did call Cindy out to have dinner together. We ate in Puchong .. we had BKT.. wasn't too bad.. After that, dropped me at my car and I dropped her home.. that's when I had my above mentioned moment.. I gathered myself and met Jamie.. cos I had to pass something to her.. and we sat down at Kim Gary and caught up some.. I haven't seen her in a while.. maybe.. just under 2 months i think..
Then I'm watching House of Fury tomorrow as well as see this Fortune teller guy.. he's supposed to be.. very good.. many HK stars have gone to him.. and blabla..
My heart is weary.. I require affirmation from a fortune teller.. who would have imagined that..
and the I went to Yeok Cheng's house for the service and here I am..
back at home.. and
alone with my thoughts.. and my memories..

my nick on msn for the past.. 3-4 days..
"when the passion fades, what you have left is love, if love fades, then bid goodbye"
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User: dcsjin
Date: 2005-04-08 05:39 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
oh no! it gets shorter..
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May 2017