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it was pitch black outside.. damn this waking up before alarm business.. =) - It's my life and anything else in between.
Soo Jin

Date: 2003-01-25 07:38
Subject: it was pitch black outside.. damn this waking up before alarm business.. =)
Security: Public
I am feelingresigned
Listening tohum of the computer
I woke up with a start.. A little disoriented.. disappointed too to find that it isn't a nightmare. Checked my phone and saw 2 msgs.. was happy/fearful until I saw that it wasn't her.. it was a friend wishing me well... oh well =) so much for that..
then I got up.. showered and shaved and did everything else and alarm still hasn't rang yet.. As I stood in the shower.. I felt resignation course through my body..

Can't do anything about it... <- defeatist thoughts
I don't want to see the world <- more defeatist thoughts

need to change my way of thinking.. get fit again, meet new people, get distracted basically.. loud people.. loud noises.. something that won't allow me the space and time to think.. I wonder when I'm gonna collapse from exhaustion.. I'm sleeping so little these days. I look terrible.. lol. By the time Chinese New Year comes around, I'm gonna look like a gaunt zombie.. but wait, I feel hunger.. so I guess that means I won't be so gaunt after all.. =) or perhaps I could take solace in food.. Which reminds me of the show Love on a diet. Michele just saw it and told me about it.. maybe that's why I still remember that movie.. I always tell people all the 'good' advice when it comes to matters ot this nature.. But I'm having trouble dealing with it.. All of this reminds me of Cindy's "bro" as she calls him.. and his predicament. His ex now didn't want to see him when they were together.. and I was there on some occasions when she told him not to go see her.. I laughed at him at that time saying.. forget her. The way she's treating you, you deserve someone better.. Sounds familiar now doesn't it? =D

Last night, I was so afraid to touch her, to do anything that might even offend her.. I was afraid that it was a dream and if I got too happy, I'd wake up... stupid isn't it.. =)
So it's another day today.. oh yeah! this song was running through my head.. but I'm not sure who sang it.. anyone??

Just take a good look at my face,
You'll see my smile looks out of place,
If you look closer it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears.. =)

I like that song.. or liked rather.. has a certain ring to it. ciao
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May 2017